But what are friends for?

When peer pressure is taken to boiling point.

Written by Jessica Cook | Art by Niamh Burden

23% of teen girls feel pressure from their friends to have sex. Twenty-three percent. That’s insane. 

At 19 years old, I've never been in a serious relationship, never had sex, rarely drink alcohol, and never been to a club. The majority of my friends at school had done all of these things before we even graduated. They enjoyed getting so drunk they wouldn't remember the night before, and spending every weekend going to clubs. They also all had somewhat serious relationships, and some had lost their virginity.

Did I want to do those things and be like them? Not really. But it can be very hard to say that you don’t. Saying it over a text message is much easier than saying it in person.

Between Year 10 and graduating in Year 12, I constantly saw events altering the behaviors of my friends. How girls were so desperate to have a boyfriend at 17 but were faced with the drama when said boy was not to loyal them. They would cry, scream, swear and gossip, but failed to realise that it was quite possibly their own actions and decisions that got them into these situations in the first place.

When I was in Year 11, I really liked this guy. And when my friends found out, they took it upon themselves to run our relationship for us. One girl I was supposedly friends with told me that I should change the way I look so he would like me, that I should wear my school skirt shorter and buy some lacy bras to wear under my school uniform so he would be more attracted to me. My friends even pressured us to have our first kiss together, something I knew in my heart I probably wasn't prepared for. In the end, the pressure didn’t affect the outcome of the relationship but certainly changed the way remember being young and in love. 

Peer pressure and comparison between young women is insane. Why do I have to be and act like you? Why, at 16 or 17 years old, should I already be desperate for a boyfriend, getting absolutely wasted and spending all my weekends at nightclubs? At such a young age, we shouldn't feel the need to rush into these situations, especially if it’s only because our friends are doing it. I'd rather be sitting on the couch on a Saturday night, watching trashy TV shows and eating chips with my mum. 

Young girls need to understand that instead of pressuring, comparing, and competing with each other, we should support each other's decisions and actions, even if they don’t align with our own morals.

We shouldn’t box in how one lifestyle is so much better than another.  It's not the end of the world if you don't have a boyfriend, but all your friends do. Or if your friends spend their free time clubbing and you don't want to – then don't! It’s really that simple. 

You are exactly where you need to be right now, and all these things will happen in their own time. Just because it’s your friends’ time now, doesn't mean your time will never come, it just means that bigger and better are coming in your future.

For now, you do you, you'll be so much better off and happier because of it. It sounds so cliché but remember to always be yourself and believe in what you know is right. Don’t let the opinions of others change the way you live your life. 

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Find more of Jessica's writing and musings about fashion on her blog and Instagram.

Check out Niamh's illustrations on her art Instagram and her personal for a peek into her life in England.