How To Survive High School.


This is it. Full length lockers, cute seniors, lunch in the cafeteria, finding your people, the allure of red cup parties... If Lindsay Lohan in Mean Girls has taught me anything, it’s that mathletics is social suicide and that your high school years shape your entire existence. It’s the stuff dreams are made of. Well, at least what American coming-of-age movies are made of.
So, when arriving at the steps of school at age 11 - my second home for the next six years, I wish I was armed with more than my mum's carefully packed lunch and my yonks of knowledge from countless chick flicks. If I could travel back in time to pimply faced me, (let’s be honest, I’m still pimply faced) I would pass on these words of wisdom.
1. Don’t Try To Grow Up Too Fast
When Josie squeals to your group on Monday at recess about how she is now A Woman thanks to the red tide that visited, do not spend that night squirming over your own bits trying to figure out how you could similarly experience this wonderful, life-changing rite of passage. And when the time does come, the night before the swimming carnival no less, tell your mum. And then, if you must, go brag to Josie and the clan.
2. Shave It For Later
So you're sitting in period 2 history and you can't concentrate because this clan of girls next to you are discussing their latest hair removal techniques to best transform their legs halfway into a smooth and sleek dolphin. You crouch down to examine your own limbs and are shocked to notice the numerous little hairs covering your skin. And before you seriously contemplate grabbing your scissors right there in class and cutting each and every fine hair - Don't! Don't ever feel the pressure to shave if you don't want to. Your body is lovely the way it is.
3. No One Cares If You Don’t Go To The Party
The night everyone has been talking about for the past two weeks has finally come! Josh’s parents are out for the weekend and a free house is promised. All your friends have been gossiping about who they have their eye on and eagerly whispering about what alcohol they will bribe their siblings to buy. And when that Friday comes around, all you feel like is curling up in your pajamas, pizza in hand, binge-watching Nicholas Sparks movies like there is no tomorrow. Trust me, wallowing in infatuation over Ryan Gosling whilst munching on your seventh piece of pizza is more entertaining than bobbing awkwardly with a half-sipped bottle of cider in hand.

3. He’s Just Not That Into You
You remember dreamy-eyed Sam, right? Yes, I know you remember his luscious hair and charming good looks and that time he lent you a pen period 4 that Tuesday in May. But when he asks Josie out to the movies there is no need to bust your chops over the HEARTBREAK and OUTRAGE you are experiencing. Besides, looks aside, all he offered were some oddly specific sports facts.
4. Maybe Learn Something
Okay. You’re spending six periods a day in this confinement we call “school.” So, you know, might as well learn something once in awhile. Stop zoning out in your geography class and stop rolling your eyes and sighing dramatically in French. It’s not cool and it’s not helpful to anyone. You might just find that you are interested in the world around you.
5. Be Yourself
It may take you majority of the six years to figure this out but that’s okay: just be yourself. Simple as that. It'll save you a lot of time and energy rather than pretending to be someone you're not. You may even attract people who also share your strange obsessions with miniature animals and Paul Rudd.
And for the love of God, don’t you dare walk slowly in the hallways.


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